Things I Can't Say Out Loud

Anticipation

2 things have been a huge thorn in my flesh in recent years: my husband’s job and our house. I would like to replace both of them. Until now, it just hasn’t worked out for us.

Recently, my husband took a chance and started flirting with another company. They flirted back. Apparently they have a huge crush on him. They have been sitting back and watching him from a distance - all stalker like. Right now both parties are in the getting to know you stage of the relationship. We’re trying to figure out how we fit into each others lives.

If everything works out (and we think it will), my husband will not only get a new job, but we also get to move into a new house in a new city. We’re very excited about all of the above. Its a great company, its a great city, and we’ve found a great neighborhood that we think we would like to move into.

The anticipation is killing us. We’re waiting for the phone to ring. We’re waiting for a contract to sign. We can’t wait to stuff all of our crap in boxes and move forward.

This morning my husband got a call. Possibly THE call that we have been waiting for. Unfortunately, he was trapped in a small moving vehicle with his current boss at the time. AWKWARD!!

All that to say the waiting continues. The anticipation continues…

Flood

So its raining. A lot. It has been all day. When it rains a lot our basement floods. Generally we can deal with this by running our dehumidifier and mopping up the puddle with some towels. Annoying, but we get through it.

I should probably add that the entire time we have live in this house, up until now, our area has been in a drought. Apparently 2010 is a year of surplus precipitation. Apparently that also means stepping off of the bottom step and into a quarter inch of water. The dehumidifier is dying. I don’t have a single dry towel left in the house and its STILL raining. Weather.com tells me that we have a full night of rain ahead of us. This is bad. Really bad. I’m hoping its not call the insurance company type bad but I know its not good. Really. REALLY. Want. A. NEW. House.

Waiting.

So its 10:30 at night and I haven’t seen my husband at all today. He’s still at work trying to meet an impossible deadline. I’m tired from chasing a toddler all day. I have no idea when he will get home. He’s supposed to leave on a business trip in the morning.

I’m conflicted. I don’t know if I should wait up for him. Is it rude not to? Is it selfish not to? I don’t even know when he will get home. What good will it do if I wait up all night, only to say “goodnight” to each other and head to bed. I think I just answered my own question. Maybe I can muster a hearty grunt in his direction when he finally makes it home and falls into bed. I’m sure he will appreciate the effort.

Fried

Christmas 2009 was an adventure. We all gathered at my Mother in Law’s house to celebrate. The only problem is that there was an ice storm at her house and she lost power at 4am on Christmas morning. Rather than doing the rational thing and moving the celebration to our house or my Sister in Law’s house, she insisted that we all show up anyway, with gas cans in hand so that we could keep the generator running. Awesome.

So, we celebrated Christmas by generator. We had heat thanks to space heaters and food thanks to electric fry pans and crock pots. We had light from some lamps and the sun. It was an unconventional Christmas only because my Mother in Law REFUSES to give up the reigns and let someone else step in to help or take over. It crushes her to not be in charge and orchestrate every minute detail. Things never work as she has planned and she is crushed and angered as a result.

We could have been 30 minutes down the road celebrating with electricity and central heat and a turkey roasting in the oven. It would have been easier and more comfortable. Would have. Could have. Wasn’t.

All of this led up to this past Sunday. My husband’s 90 year old grandfather called and informed me that after the Christmas debacle he decided that his daughter needs a bigger, electric start generator for next time the power goes out. Naturally, he went out and bought her one. It was a surprise. He wanted to know if we could show up at her house one evening this week to help him unload it from the car. Because he’s 90 and can’t lift stuff like giant, heavy generators that could power a city block.

We said “yes” and agreed on Tuesday evening. All of this was against our better judgement. We knew this would end badly but we had no idea what we were in for.

Tuesday evening my husband came home from work. We stuck toddler in his carseat and drove to grandma’s house. We pulled in the driveway and immediately noticed that sitting on the ground infront of the shed was the generator. Our whole premise for going over there was now eliminated.

We walked in the house and found half of the lights out and a 90 year old man tinkering with the electrical pannel. This is not a sight you want to see. My Mother in Law was THINLY veiling her rage. Apparently Grandpa had somehow managed to unload the huge generator himself and then decided that he was going to hook it up as well. You know, instead of waiting for his grandson - THE ENGINEER. Who he had asked to come over and HELP with this horrible, horrible plan.

We later determined that in the process of his tinkering, he had hooked up 240 volts where there should have only been 120 volts. Apparently my Mother in Law started yelling at him when things started to hiss and pop and stop working but he’s 90 and deaf so he yelled “oh good!” and continued with his reign of destruction.

Thankfully, my husband frequently works with electrical pannels so he was able to get the pannel sorted out and restore power to the parts of the house that had lost it. Unfortunately, there were still casualties. Namely, things with circuit boards. We came to discover that the microwave, dryer, cable box, stereo, and vcr had been fried and all need to be replaced.

How do you tell a well intentioned 90 year old great-grandfather that his “good deed” screwed up your house and most of the appliances in it? Simply, we didn’t. There was no point. Honestly, we did all we could to keep him from knowing the extent of the damage. We ate dinner, came home, and spent the rest of the night sourcing replacements on craigslist.

I could never say any of this out loud, but, its probably a safe bet that none of this would have happened if my Mother in Law had let go of the reigns a little and allowed Christmas to be moved to a house that had electricity and heat on Christmas day.

2010

So I kind of abandoned my poor little blog in the fall. Things got crazy. Things fell apart. My uncle took his life. My father found his baby brother dead and has images in his head that no human being should.

We dropped everything and drove 14 hours to go to a funeral that I did not want to attend. We almost didn’t go. Thankfully, my husband realized that I needed to be with my family. He made me buy a black dress and get in the car. I’m glad he did.

Our kitchen and bathroom were painted while we traveled last summer and they look great. I just framed some pages from Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham and hung them in the kitchen. Sounds funny but the colors really pop and it ties in with the vintage Fisher Price toys above my cabinets.

We haven’t bought a new house (yet). The conversation continues. We flip-flop between buying a house or land to build on. We’re still not sure about location. The one thing we do know is that our mortgage will be paid off in a couple years and we will have more freedom then.

I haven’t attempted any more dirty talk on the phone while my husband is away on business but I did fart during sex one night not too long ago. In my defense we were in this crazy weird position and it just happened. My husband still brings it up. Whatever. If it bothered him that much he wouldn’t keep coming back for more.

That pretty much wraps up 2009. Not sure what will happen in 2010. I do hope to start blogging more. I’ve thought of it often. I think I just had a hard time following the Cancer post.

Cancer.

Fuck you, Cancer and the horse you rode in on. Fuck you for causing the intense pain my uncle was in. Fuck you for making him end his own life. Fuck you for all of these tears and broken hearts.

Vagina.

In the last week I have found out that 2 of my friends are pregnant and 2 others have given birth. I hang around some horny, fertile bitches.

Moving?

My husband bought our house before we met. It made sense to move into it when we got married. Its a nice house. Good starter home. Not too big, not too small but not without its problems.

Problem #1 - Its in butt fuck nowhere. It takes like 30 mins to drive anywhere. People HATE visiting us because its a major event trying to find our driveway let alone our house. Our driveway is like half a mile long, up hill both ways is cursed with pot holes and snakes. Most people I know can’t manouver it and my best friend is scared as fuck about messing up her Lexus driving on it. She will barely even visit me as a result.

Problem #2 - Those driveway snakes? They find their way into the house on occasion. Don’t get me started on all the other wild life that keeps me firmly planted indoors (with the snakes) and afraid to let toddler go outstide to play.

Problem #3 - I’m a city girl. I don’t do long driveways and long drives to get to the grocery store. I don’t do driveway snakes or woodland creatures or bugs. I don’t even camp which is an entirely different post all together. But I digress…

I like our house as a whole, but I hate the location. I want out. I want to live in a neighborhood or a community where It only takes a few minutes to run an errand. I want a place where toddler can play outside and actually have friends who don’t hate us when we invite them for play dates.

Lately, we have been talking about moving. I’m all for it. I would do cartwheels over the driveway snakes and through the pot holes, directly into the arms of a rabid woodland creature covered in bugs if it meant that we could reloate right effing now.

The only problem is that my husband and I don’t exactly see eye to eye when it comes to house selection. I’m torn. Do I hold out for a house we both love or do I take an out when I see one and agree to the house my husband likes for simplicity sake? I’m afraid he will change his mind and decide to stay in our current home. I’m kind of leaning towards getting out while I can. I can always convince him to move again later!

Oink!

My friend has the Swine Flu and I think its hilarious. I am a horrible person and I am comfortable with this fact.